Thought for the Week

Last week’s portion had many dramatic moments. It concluded with Isaac seeing the face of his father, as Abraham held a knife to his throat. At the ultimate moment, Isaac’s position on the altar is taken by an unlucky ram, sacrificed in his place. He has survived, but at what cost? The Torah then reports that Abraham came back down the mountain to his servants, and they all headed for Beersheva. Isaac is not mentioned by name. Where is he?

Time passes, as this week we read of the death of Sarah; and the acquisitions of a burial place for Abraham’s wife, then Rebekah as a wife for Abraham’s son. Isaac is not mentioned as being present for his beloved mother’s burial. In fact, it is not until Rebekah arrives at his home that the text mentions Isaac had just recently returned from Beer-lahai-roi. What has he been doing?

Although the parasha is named for his mother, most of the action is controlled by Abraham, and Isaac is onstage only briefly throughout, the two verses where he reappears have much to tell us:

“Isaac then brought her into the tent of his mother Sarah, and he took Rebekah as his wife. Isaac loved her, and thus found comfort after his mother’s death.”[1]

Isaac had been a victim of his parents’ ambitions. His mother dealt fiercely with threats to his inheritance, and his father used him as a pawn to prove loyalty to God. Traumatised by his experiences, Isaac faded from the story. However, when he entered into an adult relationship with Rebekah,           he began to heal, and found the strength to move on.

The story turns back to Abraham, recording his marriage to Keturah, all the offspring they produce, and finally Abraham’s death. We see Isaac once more in the portion, and this is where we read:

“His sons Isaac and Ishmael buried him in the cave of Machpelah”[2].

It is an amazing moment. Ishmael and his mother Hagar had been exiled many years ago. How did he come to be present at his brother’s side, to perform this final mitzvah together? How did they reunite and reconcile?

Tradition gives the credit to Ishmael. The fact that Isaac’s name is mentioned first, even though he is the younger brother, suggests that Ishmael has accepted Isaac’s status as the heir. Rashi comments that this demonstrates that Ishmael repented of his evil ways, and yielded the precedence.[3] The text may be vague, but what is clear is that Ishmael returns[4], and lets his brother take the lead.

Perhaps we can also give some credit to Isaac. He may have disappeared from the text, but why assume he just sat quietly offstage. What could he have been doing at Beer-lahai-roi? We know this as the name of the well where God sent a messenger to tell Hagar she was pregnant with Ishmael.[5] It was an important place during the period of their exile.

What if Isaac, having been comforted, having built a positive relationship with his partner, was able to find his brother near the well? What if the siblings were able to get to know each other as adults, to share their experiences with each other, and to find a way to make peace?

Nowadays, Isaac suffers from middle-patriarch syndrome. Abraham was the first Jew, and Jacob became Israel. Isaac is usually remembered as a tortured child, and a blind old man easily tricked by his son. Yet he is one of the Patriarchs. Why is it so difficult to see him, and what he has to teach?

In the period between the altar and the goatskin gloves, Isaac becomes a man of resilience. The simple image of him together with Ishmael at the grave of their father is possible because he chooses to look forward to what could be, rather than staying stuck in the old dysfunctional family patterns. Isaac and Ishmael find a way to listen to each other, and feel heard. The past cannot be undone, but the future is in their hands.

When we bless our children, we ask that they should be like Ephraim and Menashe[6], the reason being that they were the first brothers in the Torah who did not fight each other. That is a wonderful blessing for the future. For those of us, though, who have relationships that are already damaged, perhaps Isaac and Ishmael can inspire us to find our own resilience, acknowledge the pain of the other, and begin the work that must be done to identify the path to peace. What an incredible blessing that would be!

—

[1] Genesis 24:67

[2] Genesis 25:9

[3] Rashi on Genesis 25:9

[4] Which, of  course, can also be read as to turn as in repenting.

[5] Genesis 16:13

[6] Traditionally, boys are blessed in this way, and girls are blessed to be like the Matriarchs. In a d’var Torah for Keshet, David Levy suggests there is no need for this blessing to be gendered “May God Make You Like Ephraim and Manasseh (Parashat Vayechi)” 22.12.07