Rabbi Ariel J Friedlander

Earlier this week I was explaining to a student how we bless our children on Shabbat. We pray that they may be like our ancestral mothers: Sarah, Rebecca, Leah and Rachel; and like the brothers: Ephraim and Manasseh. Since Simchat Torah, we have read weekly about many sets of brothers: Cain murdered his brother Abel, Isaac and Ishmael became the cause of family strife and were separated from each other, and Jacob and Esau began to struggle even before they were born. This week, it is the turn of Joseph and his brothers.

With hindsight, it is easy to pick out moments that created conflict, and perpetuated opposition within the family group. With this Torah portion in mind, Rav is quoted in the Talmud as stating clearly:

“A person should never distinguish one of their children from among the other children by giving them preferential treatment.”1

We can say now, Jacob should never have given Joseph that coat of many colours. However, it is clear from the text that this is neither the first nor the last example of behaviour that drove the siblings apart. The Torah has already told us that Joseph has been badmouthing his brothers, with no sign of Jacob correcting him. We then read of not one, but two dreams that Joseph shares with the whole family, dreams that place him in a position superior to them all. Jacob’s response is mild – although the brothers are now completely wound up – Jacob questions the dreams, but shows no anger. Finally, even after such events, and knowing how much the brothers hated Joseph, Jacob still sends his favourite son to report once again on the others.

Is it any wonder that the brothers, realising that Joseph was alone and vulnerable, chose to express their pent-up anger from years of unjust treatment?

For me, it was a human reaction, but it was the wrong reaction. It was an understandable reaction, and it was an inevitable reaction, continuing the cycle of conflict from generation to generation. Their motivation was hatred, and their goal was to permanently remove the source of their suffering. Could they have behaved differently? Brothers Reuben and Judah mitigate the situation somewhat, trying to save Joseph’s life, but it is a small mercy.

As Rav teaches, Jacob engendered the behaviour of his sons. But the preference was not about a striped coat or grand dreams. It was about who was heard, and who was not heard. Jacob relied on reports from Joseph, rather than interacting directly with his other children. In a hierarchical society, Jacob raised up the youngest, and ignored those with seniority in age and experience. They felt invisible, and powerless, and wounded. This made them terribly angry, and they responded, once again, with violence.

There has always been evil in the world, and we must fight it. It should not make us deaf to the cries of our siblings. When we do not listen to others, how can we hear who they are? How can we empathise, and how can we sympathise? Surely the end to conflict begins with giving space for everyone’s suffering. Making time for each of us to listen, and to be heard. Making enough time for everyone involved to have their turn. Joseph and his brothers did not have such opportunities. We still have the chance to create them.

As for Ephraim and Manasseh, we will meet them soon in Parshat Vayechi. Not much is known of them, yet they are the siblings we wish our children to emulate. For they were the first generation of that family who did not fight each other. What greater blessing could we give to our children each Friday night? Shabbat shalom!

1 – Shabbat 10b it continues: “in making (Joseph) the striped coat, his brothers became jealous of him and the matter unfolded and our ancestors went down to Egypt.”

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